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The Joke Thread
12-13-2019, 05:21 PM
Post: #741
RE: The Joke Thread
Lol i got that one today.

Where is Clem Fandango ?
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12-16-2019, 10:21 PM
Post: #742
RE: The Joke Thread
So I was having a quiet pint with my mate when these four big drunken bastards started shouting abuse at us.
What shall we do? I asked my mate,
Well, he said, I reckon we should pretend we’re police, he answered,
I was only just through the first bars of walking on the moon before theyd beaten the shit out of us!
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12-29-2019, 01:28 PM
Post: #743
RE: The Joke Thread
One day, a woman went to a pet store and saw a parrot being sold for $5.

“Why are you selling the parrot for $5? “ The woman asked the pet store owner, “That is quite cheap.”

“Well, Madam,” replied the owner. “The parrot used to live in a brothel and used to say a lot of dirty things.”

Her curiosity piqued, the woman decided to buy the parrot, took him home, and hung his cage by the door. As soon as the woman uncovered the cage, the parrot said: “New house, new madam!”

The woman was amused because the parrot did not say anything so far.

Later on, the woman’s two daughters came home from school and the parrot said: “New house, new madam, new girls!”

The woman and her two daughters laughed.

Soon afterwards, the woman’s husband James got home from work, and the parrot said:

“Hi, James!”
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01-09-2020, 07:50 PM
Post: #744
RE: The Joke Thread
Old fella goes for an interview,
Tell me one of your weaknesses, the lady asks,
honesty I suppose, the old lad says.
I didn’t think honesty was a weakness, the interviewer replies,
Well I don’t give a fuck what you think ya smarmy hag, he says.
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Yesterday, 11:36 PM
Post: #745
RE: The Joke Thread
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
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